You need a degree. You need to find a good job. You need to make a lot of money. You need to find a place to live. You need to get married. You need to start a family. OK, just stop it – it’s driving me crazy. Now try reading this again. You’re starting to feel like you need to catch for breath, right? Well, now imagine feeling like this all the time. That’s how I feel. People are always talking to me like ‘you need this and you need that’ – but what do I need?
I’m really not interested in hearing that I need to be excited about life if there’s nothing to be excited about (OK, this sounds negative but I don’t mean it like that). Also, I don’t want to compare my life to others. Let me be. Let me free. I’ll get there. Eventually.
No one is interested in reading something too personal – I know. It gets boring and there is no point in reading it. I don’t want to make this post too personal but I want to make it relatable because I know that there are people in the same situation. I can’t be the only one.
Dreams, dreams, dreams
We all have dreams when we’re young. Mine was to become rich (that didn’t turn out so well – not yet), to have a big house (hmm, keep on dreaming?) and to have a dream job (working on it). My idea of a dream job has changed a couple times over the years. It went from hair dresser to archaeologist, to becoming a writer, maybe even a journalist, or selling houses as a realtor and it led me to the final decision of interior designer. Right now, I already have a different idea in mind.
The first big life-changing decision took place right before high school. Most of my friends were going to the same school and they wanted me to come along. Apparently, it was a good school and it would be the perfect place for me. Thing is, I wasn’t interested in that school. I wanted to study something else. I wanted to follow a different path and they weren’t happy about it. They said I was being selfish and I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. It was not a mistake and I’m honestly glad I didn’t listen to any of them.
High school: the start of everything
I call high school a necessity. It’s something you need to get through in order to pursue your dreams. I was motivated to finish high school because I knew that the best was yet to come. I knew that after this, the world would be at my feet. I would be free to do whatever I want. It would be the beginning of life.
The biggest decision of all time
Unfortunately, the biggest decision was yet to come. What to do after high school? Everyone was talking about University – months before. There was plenty of time left, I would come up with an idea. No rush. Well, think again. It was the first day of my new semester (yes, the FIRST day) and I decided to apply (in a rush…) in a school – far from home – also, stupid enough to follow my heart instead of following my mind. It was the wrong decision but I’m glad I made that decision because I had the privilege to meet amazing people who turned out to be friends for life.
College life was fun. It’s always fun, especially if you’re not paying attention or skipping classes. My chosen major was not my cup of tea, that’s the least you could say. I basically ruined two years before I finally decided to do something else with my life (well, I didn’t ruin it but it felt like a waste of time).
I had no idea what I wanted anymore.
Do we need a degree? Seriously, it’s a piece of paper. Is that piece of paper going to change anything? Yes, it’s valuable if you really need it and if you have the perfect job in mind. In my case, I am not speaking for everyone, the experiences during travel are far more valuable than a piece of paper.
Especially since I’m not looking for the ‘perfect’ job. I’m simply looking for something that makes me happy. It sounds stupid and if you had asked me this a few years ago – I would have never thought that I would be saying this right now. Truth is, certain things have a big influence on you and they change the way you look at things. You start seeing things in a different perspective. I’ve always been a perfectionist, I was told to be like this. There is one problem: if you start pushing me in a certain direction, it will have an opposite effect on me.
Which one will it be?
There are a lot of university programs (a LOT) and I wasn’t interested in any of them. I’m serious – not a single one. Eventually, I decided to give it a shot. Alright, not a bad decision but the school – oh God, the worst decision of my life. By the time I made this decision, I was completely stressed out and this school ruined it for good. I had to travel by train every day – get up early and by the time I got home (which was 8 P.M. or something) I had to start doing homework for the next day. This school was completely stressing me out. I couldn’t live with the rush anymore.
Right now, I’m basically doing something similar, still chasing that degree. Although, I made the decision to give up on being a full time student and decided to start working part time. It’s not completely what I want and I haven’t found my dream job yet but we’ll get there, eventually – I hope.
I am stuck – almost graduated but stuck. I wanted to give up several times but I don’t want to look weak. I don’t want to look stupid. I know I can do this but I’m not sure if it’s worth it. I’m working really hard for a degree that will end up in a dusty drawer and I’m pretty sure that I’ll never use it. I won’t even look at it again (seriously, try me). I want different things. I want to be my own boss. I want to follow my dreams. People say I have to be realistic but there’s nothing wrong with having dreams and goals, right? You just have to find a way to make it work (and that’s my problem).
Life’s not easy when you’re young and trying to figure things out, but this could happen to anyone. Life’s not easy in general.
Our guide through life
I believe that every single one of us will end up in the right place, at the right time. We all have a compass that guides us through life (although, mine stopped working a long time ago). Don’t take this too literally. It could be a person you meet along the way, a life-changing decision, a dream, something that happens to you. You have to follow your own path. It will lead you in the right direction. YOUR right direction.
Look at me trying to spread positivity here.
I admit it. I’m lost. I’m following the wrong direction or maybe I’m following the right direction – whatever that may be.