Have you ever felt like running away?
I sometimes feel like running away, to start all over again. I want to pack my bags and leave. Book a ticket and never come back. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has ever felt like this. It’s not about running away because you can’t handle a certain situation. It’s about simply refusing to deal with it any longer.
Certain situations are impossible to handle. At least, that’s what it seems like when you think too much. In the end, it will turn out to be just fine.
I think too much. I overthink too much. I think about every insignificant detail about a situation. I think about the things that someone said. All different interpretations. Analyzing every word. I remember too much. Too many details. Too many things that I should forget. It makes it hard to find peace of mind.
My mind knows this… It starts wandering.
It usually happens at night. I need to start writing. I need to get these thoughts out of my head.
It’s as if my brain suddenly starts working and wants to solve every problem in the world.
You start thinking too much, thinking that you’ll be able to find a solution – but you won’t – and it feels as if you’re losing control. When I lose control, I want to get away. As soon as possible, as far as possible.
It didn’t happen suddenly. I’ve been having these plans in my head for about 6 years now. I always knew that I didn’t want to stay here. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the place where I live, but I need to change my surroundings. Spread my wings. See what’s out there. Find other places. Talk to new people. I think the main reason is to find inner peace. Life’s a rush. People rush everything. We rush through the day to get things done, we rush relationships, we rush our lives. We don’t take our time anymore and I don’t want to be part of it anymore. Stop rushing through life because it will be over before you know it. Learn to live in the moment. Make that moment as valuable as possible.
Another thing is pressure. There’s too much pressure. You need to have a high degree, you need to look like a model, you need to stick to the standards of society and change yourself to fit in. Listen to me now, don’t change yourself. Don’t ever change who you are. Don’t change what you look like, don’t change your beliefs, don’t change yourself because someone else wants you to. You are perfect just the way you are. Maybe not to everyone but you will always be perfect to someone.
I’ve been traveling around to see where I belong. I came across new places and new people. I got immersed into new cultures and new ways of living. I learned to speak new languages and how to communicate on the same level without speaking the same language. I have grown as a person. I have gained and I have lost. I have won and I have failed.
People around me don’t get it. Why do you want to leave? ‘Why?’, this is the most important word here. Why? I can’t explain it. Even if I tried, would you understand? It’s about a feeling. It’s about following my heart instead of following my head. But if I was to follow my head, wouldn’t it lead me in the exact same direction? Every human being with common sense knows that your heart and head are complementary. If it doesn’t feel right, it automatically doesn’t make sense. My head would tell me to stay – to choose security – but it would also tell me to do the right thing. It doesn’t feel right to stay and if I would, I would end up being unhappy. I don’t know the outcome but I feel an urge for adventure. I feel an urge to leave.
My excuse? I might be a little wild-hearted. Like-minded people will understand this and others won’t – but that’s okay. We all have our different opinions about certain things, our strengths and weaknesses, our interests, hopes and dreams. Wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same?
Let me tell you the meaning behind having a wild heart. It will tell something about me but it will tell you a lot about yourself, too. It starts with being independent. I don’t need to depend on anyone and I don’t even want to. Don’t get me wrong, we all need support in our lives. I don’t want to be the follower and I don’t want to be the leader – however, I might have a bit of a leadership side. OK, maybe even more than just a little bit. It’s a good thing. It means that you will stand up for what you believe in. It means that you can’t be controlled and no one will tell you what to do. You need the people around you to be at the same level, people who are able to outsmart you. I simply can’t deal with ‘stupid’ people. Again – I’m not talking about the high degree level here, intelligence does not start with a degree. It starts with the way you look at things, the way you experience life.
It means that you need deeper connections. A deep connection with the world and an even deeper connection with people. I hate small talk. It might work for a while but I’ll get bored of it. There’s no point in talking to people if you’re not able to have deep conversations. I need people around me with goals. Dreamers, adventurers, planners, people with their head in the clouds but their feet on the ground.
It also means that you will do everything with passion. If there’s no passion involved, I’m not even going to start with it.
We keep our emotions to ourselves until a certain point. I’m really good at hiding emotions. I’m always laughing, even when I feel like dying inside. I’m able to control my emotions for a long time but enough is enough. I’m able to restrain myself until a certain point but all anger will come out at once. It also means that once your heart gets broken – it won’t be able to heal for a long time – but when it does, there is no turning back and it will have grown stronger. You will never forget about those who did wrong. No second chances. It’s all or nothing. Black and white, there’s no in between.
As for people around you, find people who push you mentally and spiritually. Believe me, I have a lot of ‘friends’ in my life who claim to always be there. When it actually comes to it, they won’t be there for you. I’m saying this because it has been bothering me. It has been bothering me for a long time. They are complaining about their life but if I have to be supportive all the time, I expect the same from you.
My point is, there is nothing wrong with being like this. Everyone is different. I haven’t always been like this but experiences have turned me into the person I am today. After all, that’s what life is about. To experience as much as possible. To grow as an individual.
Have you ever wondered about life? Where will I be in 50 years from now? You’ll think of all the people you met along the way, the moments that truly made you feel alive. You will forget about the unimportant details but you will remember the little things. You will remember the long walks at the beach or into the woods, the useless conversations with so much meaning, the nights staying up to talk to someone you like – to end up complaining about how little sleep you had that night.
This is what I meant when I said ‘live in the moment’. Life goes by too fast. Try to enjoy every moment, the good and the bad.
Let’s make it worth it to look back in the end.